The Cocktail Party

bicycle for two

At Rise: MATT and LISA are at a cocktail party on Valentine’s day in someone’s house. They each have a glass of wine in their hands. MATT is wearing a fancy tuxedo. LISA is wearing a costume shaped like a heart with fancy embroidery on it.

MATT

You’re dressed as a heart.

LISA

Oh? Yes. I am — a heart.

Matt

The embroidery is superb.

LISA

Oh? … Thank you… I guess.

MATT

I don’t mean to sound creepy, I am an embroidery enthusiast.

LISA

What’s that?

MATT

Exactly what it sounds like.

LISA

I still don’t know what being an embroidery enthusiast entails. Do you attend craft shows? Embroider pillows every night before bed?

MATT

Not often. Usually I attend embroidery battles.

LISA

Battles?

MATT

Yes. Embroidery battles. Two people, needle and yarn in hand, go head to head, feverishly embroidering a 12 by 12 piece of fabric. The person with the more intricate and accurate rendering of the design — say, a heart — wins the battle.

LISA

You do this?

MATT

No. No. I don’t compete. I merely watch from the sidelines.

LISA

Oh — well it’d be more impressive if you competed.

MATT

I’ve tried. Couldn’t hack it. Not enough fast twitch in my fingers.

LISA

Pity.

MATT

Yeah…but I live vicariously through the real athletes!

LISA

Who are these people?

MATT

Just everyday people. People who are excited about embroidery — and have a lot of fast twitch muscles. It takes the whole body working together to win a contest like that.

LISA

Why don’t I believe you?

MATT

What’s so hard to believe?

LISA

You don’t look like you’d be into embroidery.

MATT

Do my fingers not look very nimble or something? I assure you, it’s true, I love embroidery — What are you into?

LISA

Definitely not needlework… Hmmm. Well…I taste wine…

MATT

You do? Really?

LISA

Yes. I just started last year.

MATT

What do you think of this wine?

LISA

The wine here is so-so. It has a lot of complexity but lacks character.

MATT

I hear wine tasters can get intoxicated even if they don’t swallow the wine. Goes in through the lining of their mouths.

LISA

That’s true. It can happen — but we’re careful. I’ve never seen it.

MATT

I also think I may be a little intoxicated – though I wasn’t tasting the wine. Just drinking it. I usually don’t care what it tastes like. By the way, why exactly are you wearing a heart costume?

LISA

Yeah. It’s sort of embarrassing. I thought this was a costume party.

MATT

So did I!

LISA

That’s so funny!

MATT

I know! … Is there anyone else dressed oddly?

LISA

I looked before. Saw no one. I was going to leave. But I thought I’d mingle and hope my big heart wasn’t too obtrusive.

MATT

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

LISA

For some reason I thought my friend Julie said to come to her costume party. Maybe she said cocktail party? That doesn’t make sense.

MATT

You know Julie?

LISA

Yeah. She and I have been friends since the eighth grade. How do you know her?

MATT

We work together at Ron’s Rentals.

LISA

The tuxedo.

MATT

Exactly… But I didn’t actually think it was a costume party. I just thought it’d be ironic to celebrate singles awareness day by wearing a wedding tux.

LISA

Singles awareness day?

MATT

Yes. Today is not Valentine’s Day for me. People need to be painfully aware of the number of hurting people afflicted with singleness. Single people have been cast off by a society indifferent to their troubles. All we hear about is gay marriage or civil unions or the defense of traditional marriage. Etc. Etc — What about single people? Valentine’s Day is just a symptom of a society bent on celebrating marriage and relationships and forgetting the single person. So I choose to celebrate Singles Awareness Day.

LISA

That’s actually kind of sad.

MATT

Happy sad!

LISA

I think people can find fulfillment outside of being single. You don’t need another to be happy.

MATT

You’re right… I don’t. I have embroidery.

LISA

Yes but do you find that kind of hobby satisfying?… As satisfying as a woman? … Or a man, if you’re so inclined…

MATT

Why do people always think I’m gay? …I like to embroider. It has little to do with my sexuality.

LISA

Little?

MATT

I meant it has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. Don’t connect the two.

LISA

Hey — you like to embroider. You even say you used to want to embroider competitively. I wondered.

MATT

There you go again! Don’t evaluate people using your preconceived ideas about the sexual preferences of a male embroidery enthusiast. I like women and embroidery but find embroidery more satisfying.

LISA

What about embroidery on a woman?

MATT

Heavenly. But without the embroidery? Commonplace. Old hat.

LISA

Women are old hat? You sure you’re not gay? And you want to remain single? Supposing that you are.

MATT

Yes, yes, and yes.

LISA

What about your support for singles awareness and how painful it is to be single?

MATT

Easy. I am showing solidarity with my single friends who don’t have fulfillment in their lives. I have fulfillment. There’s a difference.

LISA

I don’t believe you.

MATT

It’s true.

LISA

So you’re only talking to me because you admire my embroidery?

MATT

Yes. It caught my eye. I like embroidery.

LISA

I know.

MATT

Where’d you get it?

LISA

The outfit?

MATT

Yes…Look at that lattice work. Stunninng!

LISA

I’m not sure. I found it lying around the house.

MATT

Yes! I knew it! You can’t buy something with this level of workmanship!

LISA

I had no idea.

MATT

May I feel it?

LISA

I’m sorry?

MATT

May I feel your embroidery?

LISA

What a strange request.

MATT

I just want to feel the intricacies of the stitch.

LISA

Ok. You’re hitting on me.

MATT

No I’m not.

LISA

I’ve been hit on … on several occasions … I know what’s going on … though I’ve never have I had a man come up to me under the pretext of being an embroidery expert.

MATT

No. No. It’s not what you’re thinking. Would you like to get some more wine?

LISA

I think I’ve had enough actually… Name five different kinds of embroidery stitches.

MATT

Ummm….

LISA

You can’t!

MATT

We don’t have to get wine. We can have mixed drinks!

LISA

I refuse to talk about anything else until you name five different stitches.

MATT

There’s even Budlight if you’re so inclined.

LISA

You can’t!

MATT

Can’t what? Basque stitch, feather stitch, cross stitch, buttonhole stitch, and Algerian eye stitch.

LISA

Wow.

MATT

Wine or mixed drinks?

LISA

Yes — I mean more wine.

MATT

Ok. Let’s go.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s